Whether you host holiday events because you feel like you have to or because you want to, preparing for a gathering or party can be stressful and exhausting. Stress and exhaustion are kryptonite for anyone with a chronic health condition, which can put a damper on any event. Here are some ways I’ve learned to manage the stress of hosting at the holidays.

Enlist helpers. Figure out who you’ll ask for help and let them know in advance what you have planned for them. This could be asking guests to bring a dish or dessert, giving a houseguest a list of errands and keys to your car, or telling your kids that they’re scheduled to clean the day before the event.

Make lists (and lists): My lists take up pages—the menu, a grocery list, items to order early, household tasks, errands to run… You name it, there’s a list. I start with lists organized by category, but in the week before the event, make lists according to what I have to do each day. For that last week of lists, I put in a lot of detail (addresses for certain tasks, hours the store or market is open) so someone else can take over. Then I can hand the list over to a willing helper, even if I'm fully functional. I also make lists of things my out-of-town guests might enjoy doing, so they can be entertained in case I’m stuck in bed.

Trim the menu. You don’t have to make everything yourself. Asking guests to bring the dish that makes the holiday for them takes pressure off you and is a great conversation starter. Or choose several things to make yourself and order the rest from a local shop or restaurant. It doesn’t have to be traditional—this year, we celebrated Thanksgiving with a Mexican feast. It was a treat for our out-of-town guests and was super easy thanks to the tamales from the farmers' market.

Gather (or print) recipes ahead of time and make notes: It’s helpful to have all your recipes in one place, but the notes are really the key here. In a top corner of the recipe, I note which day the item can/needs to be made, how long it will take, and what temperature to set the oven. I bracket ingredients and instructions according to the day it can be done. For things that need to be made the day of the event, I note what time everything need to be cooked and which items can go in the oven at the same time.

Prep food in advance and label it. Do as much in advance as you possibly can. Mix dried spices at the same time you make notes on the recipe. Combine perishable ingredients and sauté anything that needs sautéing a few days in advance. (One of my lists is of which day I’ll make what part of each dish.) Label the containers in the refrigerator and make accompanying notes on the recipe will help your helpers.

Start cleaning at least a week ahead of time: By cleaning over a week or more, the chores are less overwhelming and exhausting—and makes it more likely that everything will get clean. If a new layer of dust settles on the furniture before guests arrive, it’s still cleaner than if it hadn’t been dusted at all. Make the guest beds and set out anything they might need. Do high priority tasks at the beginning of the week so that it’s not a big deal if the less important stuff doesn’t get done. (Letting go of the belief that everything has to be perfect for guests has been such a relief!)

Relax and have fun. Spending time with loved ones is really what the holidays are about. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have everyone’s favorite side dish or the ceiling fan blades are dirty. By letting go of those self-imposed expectations and planning and preparing far in advance, I’ve successfully hosted great parties without getting sick.